My kids are spoiled. And self absorbed. They CONSTANTLY interrupt and whine and cry and demand MORE no matter how much I give them. I actually had one of mine complain (during cold and flu season) that I was making too much noise cleaning up his vomit.
Seriously, it happened. Not really the point of this post, but it DID happen.
I have had moments where I compare them to leaches, just sucking the very life blood from my body. But even THAT sometimes seems to mild to explain they way they have decimated the ME in my life. I know all the Mamas feel me. You give, and give and give....BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...
And then, 3 days ago, Man and I were doing a nightly recap of all things familia, after the menagerie had finally gone to sleep. For us, this almost always takes place on the couch about ten minutes before we go upstairs and fall into a deep coma-like sleep. This past week has been a little extra crazy for us; work, sick kids (and their parents), lots of other commitments that we were trying to figure out how to manage. As the primary caregiver, I was telling funny stories about the things that Monkey and Moose had done said during the day. But I was also lamenting about not enough hours, not enough freedom, not enough of ME to go around, as it was all about them and they wouldn't just give me FIVE MINUTES to sit down-
Well, they let me sit but then, they BOTH wanted to sit ON me, which is kinda not the point.
I was judging myself for failing to execute ANY of my many jobs successfully and I was feeling judged. By my mother, my boss, Monkey's daycare provider... I think I had even decided that my cleaning lady thought I was a bad person based on the state my kitchen gets into in the six days between her visits...
Anyhoo, I have both CNN and USA Today updates that pop up on my phone, so does the Man, and just then, both our phones "dinged", alerting us that the verdict was in on the trial of a monster who had done horrible things to innocents. And not just any innocents. Children who were already struggling. Children who had already seen too much, lost too much, suffered too much. This monster prayed on the very most vulnerable among us and he did it under the guise of aid. I don't need to go into any more detail, as we've all seen this tragedy unrolling before us over the last year, but I will say that these boys have been on my brain. Even more so as I know boys the ages that the victims were and I cannot bear to think of any of them in the situations that were described. I pray for their healing and hope that this verdict has brought them some measure of peace. And I also pray that this leads to more parents opening dialogue. More adults, who believe children when they reach out. And less protection for the sickness that is is the minds of the abusers.
So we started talking about the Monster for a moment and then we started to go back to talking about our menagerie and I was knocked sideways by an epiphany.
My epiphany was this-GRATITUDE. I am so grateful for my selfish, spoiled, demanding, obnoxious children. I am so happy that they never fear asking for more, that they cannot even comprehend a world in which they are not cherished and adored. I LOVE that they rush to me with every hurt, be it feelings or paper cuts. I am overjoyed by the fact that I must arbitrate in every slight, be it real or imagined. I am so thankful that they are so comfortable and safe with their position in the world that it never occurs to them to huddle and shy away from asking for what they need- for more than they need. So damn grateful am I that all of those who touch their little lives give them that same attention. And I am so proud of the women and men in my life who are doing the same with their own marvelous, equally spoiled, obnoxious and demanding miracles. You are doing a fantastic fucking job. Your children feel safe enough, loved enough, adored enough to be the most irritating children EVER (at least that's how they feel in that moment!)
GOOD FUCKING JOB PARENTS.
And I get that they will one day have to learn that there is so much to be wary of in the world. I understand that there are lessons, big and small, that the world will teach them, and not all these lessons will be fun. But for right now, I am FILLED with gratitude for every day that passes when they want to be entertained from waking to sleeping. I am thankful for every time it is clear that they are completely oblivious to how close their Mother is to losing it if she has to play one more game of Old Maid. Or hear "HE STARTED IT!" even one more time.... Because it means one more day when I have kept them safe. Because that means I'm doing my job. And their continued obnoxiousness is the best performance review I could ever ask for.
Good Fucking Job Mommy.
I should also take a minute to say, that they aren't ALWAYS super obnoxious. Only on days that end in "y"
